The Rebel and The Good Girl
The Rebel and The Good Girl
During several sessions this week my clients and I have seen an interesting and very important dynamic going on.
Let’s start at the beginning…..
In the beginning there was …. YOU
When you were born there were no rules to follow.
As a young child you were ‘free’ to be yourself – your essence if you will. You knew who you were and what you wanted without thought or analysis. It was not a conscious thing – you just knew. You were simply being YOU.
Rules from 2 to 62
As you grew you were taught that there were rules to be followed. Eat your dinner. Share your toys. Don’t hit your sister/brother. Get dressed. Go to bed.
Then a little later. Go to school. Do your home work. Go to your next class. Be nice. Be helpful. Be responsible. Do your chores.
Then – Get good grades. Go to college. Get a job. Get married. Have children. Save money …… retire. THEN you get to do what you want to do.
Yikes – rules to live by from 2 to 62.
Do the rules affect you?
So how does that affect you? Surely everyone has these same rules so what’s the big deal?
How it affected ME (and I bet you can relate to this) is that I started life being me – living as my essence, no rules or restrictions. Then at some point I became aware of the ‘rules’ – the expectations that my parents and teachers had of me, and I became ‘The Good Girl’. I wanted my parents and teachers to love and approve of me so I became what I thought THEY wanted. I followed the rules, worked hard, got good grades, and went to college.
The Rebel and the Good Girl
Now my ‘essence’ was still there. I will call her ‘The Rebel’ because as I now look back over my life that is how she tended to show up as a push back to the Good Girl. And therein lies the problem.
Back then I was completely unaware of these two ‘parts’. I simply lived my life as best as I could. What I see NOW is that these two parts didn’t really play well together.
My first love probably would have been a great ‘catch’. Great guy, good family. He went on to have a good steady career and we would have had a nice home. I would have gone to church and joined the WI (Women’s’ Institute). My rebel part couldn’t do it. So I went off and joined the circus.
I joined the circus …
I’m kidding. I didn’t join the circus but you get the idea.
I rebelled against the good girl. Then instead of becoming a doctor I studied Herbal Medicine. I could have pursued that career and done very well … but no. My rebel rose again and I moved to the USA and joined a cult. Seriously – I did! I’m not kidding this time!
I got to 50, was married but not happy. I had given up Herbal Medicine to be mum to my 2 kids. Tried several other ‘out of the box’ enterprises but failed. I felt lost and alone.
As I see it now – the rebel and the good girl BOTH felt like they had failed. It seemed as if I couldn’t do it the conventional good girl way but neither did the rebel way work either.
The answer to ‘Who am I’ …..
Most of my clients now are women in the 45-70 age range. What I have noticed is that they too are at this stage of ‘this just isn’t working any more’. ‘Who am I’ is another frequently asked question.
Using myself as an example – I see now that I am ALL of it. I am the rebel AND the good girl. I am my adult rational mind AND my Soul Self. I am human AND spiritual. I am my physical form AND I am ‘just’ energy. I get to experience the answer to the question ‘Who am I?’ when I embrace ALL of it.
It is in embracing the rebel and the good girl that they can also learn to play nicely together. THAT is where the two of them together are so much more powerful and effective in my life than they have been as separate aspects of myself working against each other.
THAT is the sweet spot of life. Step one is to recognize these different aspects. Step two is to love and embrace each of them. Then, perhaps they can learn to play nicely together!
[Ed. I just had a text from one of my clients who was really struggling …. until we teased out her versions of the ‘rebel and the good girl’. Through that she was able to see exactly WHY she was so stuck and what happened next is nothing short of a miracle! As she put it “It’s like the knowledge of it all created an explosion that blew up the barricade on the bridge!!”]
What is YOUR version of this?
SO I am curious. Do YOU recognize yourself in any of this? Can you see the different parts of yourself? What names would you give them?
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